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What Are My Values?
A gentle, grounded guide to help you reconnect with what truly matters underneath the roles, expectations, and noise of everyday life.
Most of us can list a few values on paper — kindness, honesty, family, freedom. But there’s a difference between what we say we care about and what our days actually reflect. This article is a soft space to explore that gap, without judgment or pressure to “get it right”.
As you read, you’re invited to notice what lands in your body: the little yes, the sting of recognition, the deep exhale. That’s your inner compass beginning to speak again.
Where Do Our Values Come From?
Our values are shaped long before we ever write them down. Family stories, cultural messages, school, religion, trauma, and even the roles we grew into as adults all leave an imprint. Some of those values feel deeply true. Others belong more to survival: who I had to be to feel safe, loved, or accepted.
When life feels out of alignment, it’s often because we’re still living by inherited values that no longer fit. This is where gentle self-inquiry matters. You are allowed to question what you were taught and choose what actually supports the person you’re becoming.
A Quiet Check-In
Think of a recent decision you made that left you feeling tight or resentful afterwards.
Ask yourself:
- Whose expectations was I trying to meet?
- Which value did I honour — and which one did I override?
You’re not judging the choice. You’re simply noticing which values are actually running the show right now.
So What Are Values, Really?
Values are the inner coordinates that help you decide what to move toward, what to say no to, and how you want to show up — even when things are messy. They’re less about perfection and more about direction: small, consistent choices that feel like “you”.
Some Common Values (And How They Feel In Real Life)
Below are a few examples to get you started. You don’t have to adopt any of these. Instead, notice which ones create a little spark of recognition — or a tug of longing.
Authenticity
Telling the truth about what you feel and need, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Compassion
Meeting yourself and others with kindness instead of harshness or shame.
Boundaries
Letting “no” be a full sentence and trusting that your limits matter.
Freedom
Creating more room to choose, breathe, and move in a way that fits you.
Relationships
Prioritising connection, repair, and honest conversations over being right.
Growth
Letting yourself evolve instead of staying small to keep others comfortable.
The Other Side of “Positive” Values
Every value has a shadow when it’s fueled by fear instead of truth. Loyalty can keep you in relationships that hurt. Service can slide into people-pleasing. Ambition can quietly become self-abandonment.
This doesn’t mean your values are wrong. It simply means they’re asking to be held with more nuance and care — so they serve you, rather than run you.
Try This Reframe
Instead of asking “Is this a good value?” try:
- What happens in my body when I live this value?
- Does it leave me feeling more whole, or more depleted?
- Am I choosing it from love, or from fear of what might happen if I don’t?
Your body’s response is often a clearer guide than your mind’s list of “shoulds”.
Are you noticing this landing in your body as you read? If you’re feeling the gap between the values you hold and the life you’ve been living, you don’t have to untangle it on your own.
A one-to-one Clarity Call gives you a gentle, guided space to explore what’s shifting for you and what living more in alignment could actually look like — at a pace that feels safe for your nervous system.
Simple Ways To Start Living By Your Values
You don’t need a 10-year plan to realign with what matters. Small, repeatable choices will shift more than you think. Here are a few gentle starting points.
1
Notice Your “Micro-Yes” and “Micro-No”
Pay attention to tiny sensations of expansion (yes) and contraction (no) in your body as you move through your day. They’re data about your values in real time.
2
Choose One Tiny Alignment To Work With
Pick a single value that matters this season — maybe rest, honesty, or creativity — and let yourself take one small action that honours it this week.
3
Offer Yourself Compassion When You Miss
You will forget, freeze, or fall back into old patterns. That’s normal. Each time, gently name what happened and try again. Consistency beats perfection.
A Quick Values Check-In
Set aside ten quiet minutes with a journal, a cup of tea, and as little pressure as possible. You’re not designing your whole life here — just listening for what’s ready to be heard.
Journal Prompts
- Right now, what are the three values I say matter most to me?
- Looking at my last two weeks, what did my calendar and energy actually honour?
- Where am I living by inherited values that no longer fit?
- What is one tiny, doable shift I could make this week to live 5% more in alignment?
- Who or what could support me in holding that value when life gets loud again?
If this brings up emotion, that’s okay. It usually means you’ve touched something real.
When You’re Ready To Live From Your Values, Not Just List Them
You do not have to keep guessing who you are underneath the roles. Together, we can listen for the values that have always been there — and create a life that actually reflects them.
If this article stirred something awake in you, that’s a good sign. It means your inner compass is online and quietly asking for more.
A Clarity Call is a gentle first step. Bring your questions, your confusion, your “I should have figured this out by now.” We’ll meet them together.
You’re allowed to take this at your own pace. There is no rush. Just the next honest step.
About Sharon Burnett
Quantum Coach · Trauma-Aware Practitioner · Hypnotherapist · Quantum Healing Facilitator
Sharon supports people who feel overwhelmed, disconnected from themselves, or unsure who they are beneath the roles and expectations they’ve carried for years. Her work blends emotional safety, grounded clarity, and deep inner exploration to help clients reconnect with their true self — the one behind conditioning, perfectionism, burnout, and survival patterns.
Drawing on a trauma-aware, nervous-system-honouring approach, she guides clients through gentle yet transformative processes that help them understand their inner world, heal longstanding patterns, and make grounded decisions that feel authentic and aligned.
If you’re seeking clarity, direction, or a deeper sense of self-trust, her work offers a safe and supportive entry point into understanding your inner landscape with more compassion and confidence.
Take The Next Step On Your Journey
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