WHAT ARE MY VALUES?
Are You Living By What's Truly Important To You?
Have you ever taken the time to sit down and think about what truly matters to you? Identifying your personal values is an essential step towards living a fulfilling and meaningful existence. Your values serve as a compass, guiding your decisions and actions, and helping you navigate through the ups and downs of life. They are the worth we place on things. They guide all of our decisions from deciding who we marry, to which job we take, the friends we choose, or even whether or not we answer that phone call.
Where Do Values Come From?
Values are developed when we are children. We can inherit the values of our parents, our friends, our teachers or our mentors. We can also develop values of our own, based on experiences we have and things we observe.
Some values that we develop or inherit during our formative years can serve us well at the time. Or, at the very least they are not overly harmful, but they may not be so helpful in later years. As a child, for example, I placed great importance (value) on material things – particularly the latest toy crazes. Placing a high value on materiality in my adult years was helpful in some aspects as it helped me to work my way up the corporate ladder and generate a great income, but it was not so helpful in other aspects. Especially when my spending habits and need to acquire the latest kitchen appliance led to a ridiculous credit card bill and an overcrowded kitchen!
It’s not unusual for people to carry childhood values through to adulthood only to find out they aren’t helpful. Have you ever found yourself choosing the chocolate cake over the apple and not knowing why? Are you staying in a relationship with the wrong person simply because it’s easy? Do you strive to please others to the detriment of your own happiness? Or do you have too much darn stuff? Any of these situations, plus many more could be because you are living a life that is based on outdated values.
What Are Values, Anyway?
Values can be many things to many people and not all people share the same values. What’s an important driving force in my life, might mean absolutely nothing to someone else, and vice versa. Â
Take, for example, a person who is constantly helping others, donating to charities, doing volunteer work, or sharing their resources with others. It’s possible that one of their values could be generosity. Another person who doesn’t do these things, or actively avoids doing them, might value security / safety, and one of the ways in which their value manifests is to hold onto their resources a little more tightly.
It’s important to remember, though, that it’s not always completely obvious that a value is driving a behavior. If we think about the person above who is doing volunteer work, they might be motivated by a belief that they aren’t worthy and, in order to try to nullify that belief, they prove their worth by giving or over-giving to others. There are many things that can drive a person’s behavior – values are just one of those things.
There are literally hundreds and hundreds of values.Â
Here's a short list of some common values and what they mean:
- Authenticity: To be true to yourself and live an authentic life in all circumstances
- Beauty: To appreciate, create, nurture or cultivate beauty in myself, others, and the world around me
- Conformity: To adhere to rules, regulations and accepted ways of doing things
- Creativity: Utilizing imagination to create new things, or ways of doing things. Writing an article, painting a picture, developing a business plan
- Excitement: To seek out activities and experiences that are thrilling, new and stimulating
- Forgiveness:Â To demonstrate forgiveness toward self and others
- Honesty: Someone who values truth, sincerity and openness in themselves and others
- Generosity:Â To be giving and generous towards self and others
- Gratitude: To be appreciative of , and grateful for, the wonderful things, people and experiences in life
- Intimacy: To be open and share generously of oneself in close personal relationships
- Love: To demonstrate love and affection towards self and others
- Responsibility:Â To accept responsibility for behavior and accountability for actions
- Self-Care: Â To strive to have personal needs met and ensure health and well-being is a priority
- Trust: To be trustworthy and sincere and to place a high value on these behaviours in others
The Other Side of Positive Values
For every one of the positive values listed above (and the many, many more not listed), there is always a flip-side. So, certainly, there are “negative” values – or values that don’t help us in living the life that we truly desire. Â
The opposite of generosity is selfishness, the opposite of honesty is dishonesty, the opposite of flexibility would be control, etc. You get the idea. These values can be formed through childhood experiences, past hurts or traumas and, when we hold onto them, they can have a substantial detrimental effect on our lives – often without us even being aware of what’s going on!
Positive values, taken to the extreme can also impact negatively on our world – a person taking the value of safety to the extreme might become a recluse, they might hoard money or other items, or they might avoid relationships. Â
So, What Now?
The good news is, we can change our values and, in doing so, we can remember who we really are!
The first, and most important step, is to find out what’s driving you right now and how this is allowing you to achieve less-than-optimal results in your life!  And, honestly, that’s not as complicated as it sounds.
Through identification of these less than optimal values, and then the implementation of a plan of concerted action, you can start to significantly change the challenging patterns in your life very quickly!
Living a life aligned with your values has a profound impact on your overall well-being and happiness. You will find a sense of authenticity, purpose, and meaning in your life that you haven’t had previously. You will find yourself being truly happy and making the best choices for yourself in every moment. You will see a boost in your self-confidence, a change in your relationships, and a sense of connection with others who share similar values.
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